The Obama-Harper Tapes
President Obama’s first meeting with Stephen Harper was suppose to be a closed door affair. However, the meeting was taped and leaked to the media. Several files of that tape are now on Youtube. Here is the transcript of what was taped:
Obama: Mr. Prime Minister.
Harper: Mr. President.
Obama: Let’s begin shall we?
Harper: Umm before we do, Mr. President may I ask a favour first?
Obama: Uhh….sure.
Harper: Could you sign these doctored photos of you and me?
Obama: Uhh…why are they doctored?
Harper: Well because we have not yet had a photo-op together and I thought I would save time by doing it this way.
Obama: Umm …ok. (Proceeds to sign the photos)
Harper: This one is for my son Benjamin and this one for my daughter Rachel…and this one is for Benjamin’s best buddy Stewie.. and this one is for the school bully…was wondering if you could tell him to lay off of Benjamin. Nobody likes a bully!!
Obama: Ok now if we can, let’s talk about the important matters at hand.
Harper: Indeed Mr. President. (Gets his notes together)…Ahem… the global crisis has had a deep profound effect on Canada….It has hurt the Canadian…
Obama: (Interrupts) The Canadian people I know Mr. Prime Minister and that is why I believe…
Harper: Oh no Mr. President not the Canadian people….
Obama: No?
Harper: No! The Canadian people are fine…they’ll get by…they always do…I am talking about the Canadian Conservative Party….my ideals and values are shot here…..I am flying by the seat of my pants. If this keeps up, my own party is going to label me a commie…
Obama: Well, I don’t know about that but we have to have some economic solutions…
Harper: Exactly, Mr. President which brings me to my next point. We are hurting here in Canada and we have done all that you asked of us in Afghanistan. I would be willing to reconsider pulling our troop out in 2011 on one condition.
Obama: Really? What would that be?
Harper: We need a bailout. If you bail us out for about ..oh I don’t know….let’s say $650 billion, I would be willing to keep the troops in Afghanistan until 2056 if you like.
Obama: I don’t think that is a ….
Harper: …..$500 billion…..
Obama: …..plan of action that we….
Harper: …..$400 billion…..
Obama: ……are willing to take.
Harper: $300 billion…come on work with me here…
Obama: No. We cannot do it.
Harper: Ok fine. $200 billion is my final offer.
Obama: That’s your final offer?
Harper: Yes
Obama: Ok. Let’s move on.
Harper: Tell you what I am going to do. The next time you come down, I am going to take you to this private golf club that George and I used to frequent. I will speak to the owner and I think you will be allowed in….
Obama: Excuse me?
Harper: What.
Obama: You think I will be allowed in? I’m the F****** President of the United States!!! (To his aides) Allowed in? What does that mean? (To Harper) I have to say I am perplexed. (To his aides) Do we really have the Canadian prime minister here or am I being punked? (Looks around for cameras).
Harper: $125 Billion!!!
Obama: What? No, I am not handing over that kind of money or any kind of money to Canada. Wait a minute……are you sulking? Oh come on! We do not have much time…you know what…umm let my people work this out with your people and I will see you …….in my second term.
Meeting adjourns
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