Stephen Harper Cuts Cabinet Down To One
Stephen Harper announced today that he will be firing all of his cabinet except himself. “I was wondering what I could do to cut government spending and at the same time hold on to more power”, he said with a constant twitching of his left eye. “As of today, I will be taking over all of the ministerial jobs in Foreign Affairs, Justice, Finance, Revenue, Indian Affairs, Inter-Governmental, Fisheries, Environment and any other departments I can think of. I will be giving myself a healthy raise for taking on this extra workload but rest assured that the rest of the savings will be passed on to Canadians. My first order of business is with the department of Technology. I have ordered them to develop a new device that will transfer all the information of the various departments straight to my brain,” he confided. Harper’s move means that his Conservatives have completely been relegated to backbencher status.
Former Environment Minister Jim Prentice wasted no time with his complaints. “The Prime Minister being a one man caucus is frankly a pain in the ass. On the plus side, the rest of the former ministers and myself have a lot more time on our hands. I speculate that we can organize the next leader’s convention or maybe plot a coup d’etat. I think we’ll be taking a long vacation first to think about it.”
The opposition parties were also swift to react. Jack Layton, head of the NDP party declared – “Wow, he had one of the largest caucuses in the history of the country. Now, he has the smallest. I happily declare to everyone that my caucus is bigger than his,” as his wife looked on approvingly.
Liberal leader Michael Ignatieff responded with his own concerns. “I hope the shrinkage of his caucus does not affect his overall performance but I am not sure how he can avoid failure and disappointment.”
Bloc Quebecois leader Gilles Duceppe was adamant even though his English was a bit confusing. “We see this change and we will react. We will eat his caucus alive and spit out the bad parts.” When realizing what he had said, Duceppe buried his head amidst the throng of reporters and declared, “No more comments!”
Economists were equally divided as to whether Stephen Harper’s caucus will cause inflation or deflation. The more optimistic ones are hoping that it would cause an orgy of activity while pessimistic ones are cynical about big talk and morning-after disappointments.
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